Suicide is not so bad

Suicide is not so bad unless you fail to succeed then your going through things. I have schizophrenia, which is a irritating disease. I've had it a long time and I think it's getting worse. To say that suicide is not so bad, is me remembering a poem.

Suicide

Is not so bad

Not so bad

No so

So

Bad

Suicide is.


Of course it's bad and I don't need to be reminded of that. But it doesn't stop the mental trap. It's like an explosion of emotion followed by a descent into a increasingly tightening noose of despair reasoning of how my death could help or harm my family.


This time I damaged that precarious relationship even more. It's bewildering how I can intellectually understand some of what's happening but be powerless to stop it.

But that's not entirely true, as many times as I've wanted it to be over, I clearly am still alive.

I did go to the hospital but I can't get an appointment for months, seems like everyone is mentally ill these days.


Well, what has it got to do with art?

I'm not a psychiatrist but I know I can't make artworks when I'm insane.

Which is not to say my works are not influenced by the predicament.


The partial solution is to sale the artwork most of which is still in my collection.

But in an age of social media, I actually fair better with social distancing. Last night I deleted most of my social contacts. I know this is a symptom yet I wasn't able to stop.


So everyone is talking about mental health. I'm not sure I'm going to make it past today.





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